Lillian

It's hard to write today, the news is still sinking in and I don't completely understand. Yesterday was Memorial Day, so I had the day off. I went to Barnes and Noble to sort continue editing media from Uganda. As I watched the video clips of my Otino Waa kids singing, dancing and talking to the camera I started to giggle at their comments, messages and their excitement to be on camera. As they grew more comfortable with me and with a camera their personalities really started to come out - some of them are really so funny!

In the middle of my reminiscing and laughing and remembering, I decided to quickly check my email. I had an email from Carol at Otino Waa, the news shocked me.

"We have some very sad news.  Lillian Akot from Janet's house died last night with complications from Malaria and Typhoid.  I saw her two days ago and she was improving.  Then yesterday Josephine told me that she should be moving back to her house last night.  She had been being taken care of in the clinic night and day.  Dickens, Charles and Janet were with her when she died.  The burial will be this Tuesday in the village. This is the first child we have lost since we began.  So it is a real shock and we are so saddened by this event."

This is my Lillian. -The girl who I sat next to at lunch everyday, who was in my house, who translated for me, who was always with me, who taught me her songs and her dances, who I taught my songs and my dances to. Lillian, who learned how to use my camera and took all the photos of me with kids - she was behind the lens. Lillian, my little twin.

I just don't understand.

My heart breaks for her adopted sisters, Winny, Noreen, Edith, Sarina, Sandra, Robinah, and Joan and Mama Janet and her little son Andrew - who've all lost so much already. I do take comfort in knowing that she was a believer and is now resting in the arms of her Heavenly Father. I'm thankful that although her short life was filled with many pains and sorrows, she was known, cared for and wanted - something that surpasses the basic needs of food and shelter - she was loved.

Lillian's death is a stark reality check among all the big questions I've been asking and the prayers for big answers. Opening myself up to loving and being loved by vulnerable people will undoubtedly bring sorrows and pains that I may never feel otherwise. It's hard to think of the women I know who are HIV/AIDS positive, the kids who rely solely on their fragile, aging grandmother, or the kids who have yet to heal from the trauma of their pasts. The question I keep asking is where would Jesus be? The answer I keep getting is that he'd be with them, in their poverty, their sickness, the dirt, the pain and the sorrow. He'd feel their love, he'd feel their hopes and take joy in their small victories.

I have had four lines from a song by Jon Foreman stuck in my head for about 3 weeks now...and I keep asking myself "what does this mean in the context of my life?"

"The kingdom of the heavens
Is buried treasure
Will you sell yourself
To buy the one you've found?"

I'm thankful that I had the privilege of knowing Lillian, being loved by her and loving her. I'm thankful that she is now home, with her Father.